thats how you feel about me.
and im tired.
done.
finished
done.
i cant lie anymore.
im not ok.
you are though.
thats it.
i ruined everything again.
as always.
i ruined everything.
i make everything so difficult.
its real easy.
right?
just get over it.
just like that.
done and done.
sorry "friend"
i was happy for a few minutes.
why wont you make it last forever?
maybe cause i dont make you happy.
so why make someone happy that doesnt make you happy
thats a waste.
last night made me happy
so happy.
i was sick to my stomach from how nervous you make me feel
it wasnt the anxiety from my trip that wasnt allowing me to eat.
it was the fact that i was SO HAPPY TO BE THERE WITH YOU.
US????? SUPERGRASS AND DINER??????
i never thought it would happen.not again not after everything.
and it felt sooooooooooooo right.
like i wish we could do that everynight for the rest of our lives.
but i guess im just wasting my time dreaming of something that will never come true.
i guess i was the only one feeling all those feelings.
where were you last night?
were you there where i was?
i wish you were.
i hope you were.
i thought you were.
but maybe it was just me again.
i was trying my hardest...MY HARDEST!!!!!!!!!!! to be ok.
not to cry not from sadness. but just because i wish we were there together. TOGETHER! not just there in the same place at the same time. were you as happy as i was?????
we are just friends.
i want to be just friends.
i want to be just friends.
i cant be just friends.
not when you pretend not to care about me more than your other friends.
or when i just blend in with your other friends.
im just a friend.
nothing stands out about me.
only the fact that i want something you dont want to give me at the moment or perhaps ever.
i dont know
i want you.
but like you said there is a friendship there and you will make sure not the cross the line into anything more.
CROSS THE FREAKIN LINE!
or not.
who am i to tell you what to do.
no one
im not putting myself down
im not
im just expressing things on my mind.
i know im good for you.
and you for me.
though no one else sees it.
i dont care what they see.
i know and thats all that matters.
i know this blog seems very contradicting within itself.
well thats my mind for you.
any way im leaving tomorrow morning thinking im alone in this feeling.
its not mutual.
perhaps it is.
but you dont want to tell me
perhaps it is but you are afraid
perhaps it is and you are uncertain
perhaps it is and it always will be.
but for the time being i dont know that it is
and it makes me sad
because id like to know that it is.
even if we dont make anything of it at the time.
i dont know
im leaving. what if i die? youll never be able to tell me again. unless we both make it to paradise. but that if you even do feel what i feel.
please tell me.
you know how i feel.
im happy when im with you ...the happiest!!!!!!! though it may not seem.
when i talk to you.
the arguements. yes there were probably too many. but is it wrong to say that even when we were argueing i loved it because it was with you and i knew that id get over it as soon as you said. those words.or the next day when i saw you i knew id get over it as soon as i saw you there would be a smile on my face though id try and pretend i was mad.perhaps that was wrong on my part to pretend i was mad
i didnt want to seem weak
im really bad at covering that up.
im not weak.im really strong!!!!!!!!!! stronger than others when it comes to certain things.
but when it comes to my feelings.
especially love.
im pretty sensitive.
only with you.
no one else
you have a certain something that i will never find in anyone else.
i dont want to find anyone else
not the hottest guy in the world
not the smartest guy in the world
not the nicest guy in the world
not the wealthiest person in the world
i want you.
only you.
kiddish perhaps.
stupid some might say i am.
but i know what i want and thats that .
and ill keep wanting till my end.
which isnt a good thing .
since you will always know this.
and you have that advantage.
ive got nothing
just my box of memories
the only things i ever remember .every little detail. 3 years of detail.
ill keep that till the end
if thats all ill get
i hope its not
i hope we can make new memories.
someday
OUR memories are OURS.
the first time we talked on the phone. thanks bruno.
"have you heard youre pretty good looking for a girl by the white stripes?
or in concert by the faint. do you know who le tigre is you know like the tiger???"
i like stars.....i like you.
hmmm if anyone asks me can i tell them you are my girlfriend??
my reply.....only if i can tell them you are my boyfriend.
member pipin????
we sat. next to each other.
our hands we sweaty from nervousness.
we shared an elbow rest.
your pinky touched mine.
i was going crazy inside
butterflies galore.
then we held pinkys
then hands....for the first time.
amazing!!!!!! best thing ever!!!!!!!!!!!!
you were embarrassed cause your hands were all sweaty.
i didnt care not at all.
i was sooooooooo happy.
the happiest ive ever felt.
today for that one second.... it all came back to me that feeling i had that first time. i miss it. i never want to forget it.
remember blonde redhead.....the first time we saw them together. we held hand through out the whole show.at one point i remember looking up at you and you looking at me in that way you look at me ( you still look at me that way though you try to not to)and the thoughts going through my head.....wow this is perfect. the perfect moment.can this be forever?????please let it last forever.
the day we had a breath of AIR. i will never forget that day. beautiful music was made and heard that day.
and bjork though we didnt sit next to each other.i was thinking of you the whole night and how i wanted to sit next to you even if it WAS ALL THE WAY IN THE BACK. who cares as long as i would have been with you.
our trips to tj...with my parents...that was crazy!!!!!!!
star made out of duct tape.
never ending notes.
letters
our book
yarn bracelets and rings.
"the fairyqueen is in my head"
"strawberry fields forever....that song is the only one that i can hear everything kind of going on in my head."
"is this it?"
apple blossom. chiquita.
"dancing makes people feel good..i wish there was a dance like in that movie "antz"nah but i think id get bored"
dime algo......"algo"
"pet shop boys are cool and youre super cool"
moldy peaches....i want to watch cartoons with you.
i got you this sticker just for you
"fill out the blanks for me please..........so next time___ and me can go somewhere _____ where we can _____and yeah. i ____ you, fairyqueen."
"i know that i miss you and im sorry if i dissed you"
five minutes into this long week and i miss you already.
"i wanted to say.....i didnt really tell you how i wanted to tell you to be mine. but whatever i know i told you already but your the only one i want to be with. still i wanna tell you so many things. this little break of ours was my fault, everyone knows, but my mind was undecided. butif im going to be with you i want to be with all heart, want to be for real. alright thanks for sticking around apple blossom"
"thats what i wrote. this is what im writing. i want to be the one, truly, there for you when you are down, i want to help you up so dont forget that."
"can i give you all the love i have?its not much but ill try and raise a loan."
"this is forever"...wow.."did i scare you?its possible to be forever but.....you make everything so much better..."
"this is forever"
is there a right way of falling in love?
"have you cast a spell on me? a fairy doeshave magic doesnt she? give me some of your fairy dust. i love you."
"Im allergic to love...but i dont care cause im in love with you."
at oasis. ISNT THIS KILLING YOU????????????
man you had no idea how much it was.
i was trying to be strong
not allow you to see how much it really was killing me
its still killing me
this isnt even half of half of half of us.
i dont understand where i went wrong.
"Embers, we're burning bridges down.
Envelopes stuffed with feelings found.
To write this down as means to reconcile."
and im tired.
done.
finished
done.
i cant lie anymore.
im not ok.
you are though.
thats it.
i ruined everything again.
as always.
i ruined everything.
i make everything so difficult.
its real easy.
right?
just get over it.
just like that.
done and done.
sorry "friend"
i was happy for a few minutes.
why wont you make it last forever?
maybe cause i dont make you happy.
so why make someone happy that doesnt make you happy
thats a waste.
last night made me happy
so happy.
i was sick to my stomach from how nervous you make me feel
it wasnt the anxiety from my trip that wasnt allowing me to eat.
it was the fact that i was SO HAPPY TO BE THERE WITH YOU.
US????? SUPERGRASS AND DINER??????
i never thought it would happen.not again not after everything.
and it felt sooooooooooooo right.
like i wish we could do that everynight for the rest of our lives.
but i guess im just wasting my time dreaming of something that will never come true.
i guess i was the only one feeling all those feelings.
where were you last night?
were you there where i was?
i wish you were.
i hope you were.
i thought you were.
but maybe it was just me again.
i was trying my hardest...MY HARDEST!!!!!!!!!!! to be ok.
not to cry not from sadness. but just because i wish we were there together. TOGETHER! not just there in the same place at the same time. were you as happy as i was?????
we are just friends.
i want to be just friends.
i want to be just friends.
i cant be just friends.
not when you pretend not to care about me more than your other friends.
or when i just blend in with your other friends.
im just a friend.
nothing stands out about me.
only the fact that i want something you dont want to give me at the moment or perhaps ever.
i dont know
i want you.
but like you said there is a friendship there and you will make sure not the cross the line into anything more.
CROSS THE FREAKIN LINE!
or not.
who am i to tell you what to do.
no one
im not putting myself down
im not
im just expressing things on my mind.
i know im good for you.
and you for me.
though no one else sees it.
i dont care what they see.
i know and thats all that matters.
i know this blog seems very contradicting within itself.
well thats my mind for you.
any way im leaving tomorrow morning thinking im alone in this feeling.
its not mutual.
perhaps it is.
but you dont want to tell me
perhaps it is but you are afraid
perhaps it is and you are uncertain
perhaps it is and it always will be.
but for the time being i dont know that it is
and it makes me sad
because id like to know that it is.
even if we dont make anything of it at the time.
i dont know
im leaving. what if i die? youll never be able to tell me again. unless we both make it to paradise. but that if you even do feel what i feel.
please tell me.
you know how i feel.
im happy when im with you ...the happiest!!!!!!! though it may not seem.
when i talk to you.
the arguements. yes there were probably too many. but is it wrong to say that even when we were argueing i loved it because it was with you and i knew that id get over it as soon as you said. those words.or the next day when i saw you i knew id get over it as soon as i saw you there would be a smile on my face though id try and pretend i was mad.perhaps that was wrong on my part to pretend i was mad
i didnt want to seem weak
im really bad at covering that up.
im not weak.im really strong!!!!!!!!!! stronger than others when it comes to certain things.
but when it comes to my feelings.
especially love.
im pretty sensitive.
only with you.
no one else
you have a certain something that i will never find in anyone else.
i dont want to find anyone else
not the hottest guy in the world
not the smartest guy in the world
not the nicest guy in the world
not the wealthiest person in the world
i want you.
only you.
kiddish perhaps.
stupid some might say i am.
but i know what i want and thats that .
and ill keep wanting till my end.
which isnt a good thing .
since you will always know this.
and you have that advantage.
ive got nothing
just my box of memories
the only things i ever remember .every little detail. 3 years of detail.
ill keep that till the end
if thats all ill get
i hope its not
i hope we can make new memories.
someday
OUR memories are OURS.
the first time we talked on the phone. thanks bruno.
"have you heard youre pretty good looking for a girl by the white stripes?
or in concert by the faint. do you know who le tigre is you know like the tiger???"
i like stars.....i like you.
hmmm if anyone asks me can i tell them you are my girlfriend??
my reply.....only if i can tell them you are my boyfriend.
member pipin????
we sat. next to each other.
our hands we sweaty from nervousness.
we shared an elbow rest.
your pinky touched mine.
i was going crazy inside
butterflies galore.
then we held pinkys
then hands....for the first time.
amazing!!!!!! best thing ever!!!!!!!!!!!!
you were embarrassed cause your hands were all sweaty.
i didnt care not at all.
i was sooooooooo happy.
the happiest ive ever felt.
today for that one second.... it all came back to me that feeling i had that first time. i miss it. i never want to forget it.
remember blonde redhead.....the first time we saw them together. we held hand through out the whole show.at one point i remember looking up at you and you looking at me in that way you look at me ( you still look at me that way though you try to not to)and the thoughts going through my head.....wow this is perfect. the perfect moment.can this be forever?????please let it last forever.
the day we had a breath of AIR. i will never forget that day. beautiful music was made and heard that day.
and bjork though we didnt sit next to each other.i was thinking of you the whole night and how i wanted to sit next to you even if it WAS ALL THE WAY IN THE BACK. who cares as long as i would have been with you.
our trips to tj...with my parents...that was crazy!!!!!!!
star made out of duct tape.
never ending notes.
letters
our book
yarn bracelets and rings.
"the fairyqueen is in my head"
"strawberry fields forever....that song is the only one that i can hear everything kind of going on in my head."
"is this it?"
apple blossom. chiquita.
"dancing makes people feel good..i wish there was a dance like in that movie "antz"nah but i think id get bored"
dime algo......"algo"
"pet shop boys are cool and youre super cool"
moldy peaches....i want to watch cartoons with you.
i got you this sticker just for you
"fill out the blanks for me please..........so next time___ and me can go somewhere _____ where we can _____and yeah. i ____ you, fairyqueen."
"i know that i miss you and im sorry if i dissed you"
five minutes into this long week and i miss you already.
"i wanted to say.....i didnt really tell you how i wanted to tell you to be mine. but whatever i know i told you already but your the only one i want to be with. still i wanna tell you so many things. this little break of ours was my fault, everyone knows, but my mind was undecided. butif im going to be with you i want to be with all heart, want to be for real. alright thanks for sticking around apple blossom"
"thats what i wrote. this is what im writing. i want to be the one, truly, there for you when you are down, i want to help you up so dont forget that."
"can i give you all the love i have?its not much but ill try and raise a loan."
"this is forever"...wow.."did i scare you?its possible to be forever but.....you make everything so much better..."
"this is forever"
is there a right way of falling in love?
"have you cast a spell on me? a fairy doeshave magic doesnt she? give me some of your fairy dust. i love you."
"Im allergic to love...but i dont care cause im in love with you."
at oasis. ISNT THIS KILLING YOU????????????
man you had no idea how much it was.
i was trying to be strong
not allow you to see how much it really was killing me
its still killing me
this isnt even half of half of half of us.
i dont understand where i went wrong.
"Embers, we're burning bridges down.
Envelopes stuffed with feelings found.
To write this down as means to reconcile."
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